The Dream I Never Talk About
Some people I know are natural dreamers. They can daydream and toss ideas around like it's their second job. I'm not like that, and sometimes I envy those people. I'm more of a realist, and dreaming doesn't come naturally to me. I have things I want to accomplish, sure, but I have a pretty black and white plan for how to get those things done.
My parents did a really good job of reminding me often that I could do anything I set my mind to, and I believed them. They would constantly remind me, my brother, and my sister that we were smart enough, equipped enough, strong enough to do whatever we wanted with our lives. No dreams were too big. Growing up, I knew that if I wanted to be President of the United States I could do it. It worked, too. My brother and sister and I all knew what we wanted to do with our lives and we did what we needed to do to get there. We're all doing what we love. I'm thankful for my parents for speaking that truth over me. When I have kids some day, I'll whisper the same things to them. I'll ask them what they want to be when they grow up, I'll keep asking them even when they're 30 years old.
Sometimes I catch myself only dreaming about the things I know I'll accomplish. For example, I want to go to grad school and be a Nurse Practitioner. I know how much schooling, what school I would like to attend, what I want to do with that degree. That doesn't scare me. It doesn't take much daydreaming. I know I can do it and what I need to do to make it happen. Easy. That's my kind of dreaming.
If you ask people that know me what my dreams are, most of them would say something involving being a nurse. Which is true, because I have plenty of dreams involving Nursing. I love it.
There's one dream I don't talk about much though-if ever-because it scares me. I don't know how to go about doing it, which doesn't fit with my black and white world. I google about it and sometimes I let myself daydream about what it would look like to actually live this dream. I daydream because I have no idea how to make this happen. This isn't the kind of dreaming that's easy for me! It might not sound like a big dream to some people, but to me it is. It's one of my biggest dreams.
I want to work with orphans.
(I can't believe I just said that.)
I love kids. I love rocking them to sleep and hugging them and telling them how beautiful or handsome they are. I love making them laugh and listening to their hilarious stories. I love their innocence and their honesty. And there is this constant ache in my heart for the unwanted, unloved, and uncared for kids that are out there. No one should go through childhood (or any part of life, for that matter...but childhood is such a sacred time) unwanted or unloved. I think about it all the time, but I never talk about it. So tonight, me telling you about it is part of me letting myself dream a little. And it's terrifying but it also feels really good!
I think it's an incredible thing for a woman to give up a child she cannot/will not care for. I want to work with those kids. I want to work with orphans because they are some of the most vulnerable kind of humans. Maybe it's the nurse in me that thinks in terms of prevention instead of fixing the same problem over and over, but I want to work with orphans because they are at risk for being trafficked and abused, for being lost in a system and becoming a statistic. I want to prevent what they are at risk for, stop cycles before they begin--I want to stop the cycle of human trafficking before it can even start. I want to stand on their behalf. I want to love on them and help them find families. I want to tell them they can do anything they want to do, they can be President of the United States, and I want them to believe it. I want to protect them and care for them. I want to love them before they ever get the chance to wonder if they're loved. If I could adopt every orphan and love the crap out of them, I would do it. In a heartbeat. I would do it without thinking twice.
I've always thought small. Some people I know want to change entire countries, industries, etc. And I think that's incredible. And I think they can do it. But I've always been thrilled at the idea of teaching hand washing to a kindergarten class, or starting a clinic in an impoverished neighborhood, or picking up trash on a city street. That would be so cool. Instead of thinking in third world countries, I think in city streets. There's nothing wrong with thinking in third world countries, but my mind just doesn't seem to work that way. I think small.
This orphan dream scares me, because let's be honest--there are a lot of orphans out there and I am one person. The idea of working with orphans is the equivalent to a third world country to me, if not bigger, so I naturally start shying away from it. Anything medical or involving nursing I'm not intimidated by because that's the area I'm familiar with. But orphans are out of my medical brain. I get a little overwhelmed when I start to think about what it would look like for me to work with orphans. There are so many details I don't know. I don't know when, if it will be a year from now or 30 years from now. I don't know if it will be in India or some small town USA. Maybe I'll open an orphanage. Maybe I'll work at one. Maybe I'll be an advocate for orphans and help them find families. Maybe I'll travel and speak about orphans and encourage people to adopt, specifically the Church to rise up and adopt more than anyone else. I have no idea what I will do with orphans, I just know there is an unease in me for a reason, and I have to work with orphans one day. I just have to. I can't not do something with orphans. I know I probably can't help every orphaned kid out there, but I can help one at a time. That's my small thinking, I guess, but that's all I need. I'll help one orphan at a time if I have to, and that will be good enough for me.
So that's my dream I never talk about, because it scares me. But I want to talk about it and learn about it and I figured this was a good place to start. So thank you for reading about something I want to do with my life. I hope it makes you think about what dreams you aren't daring to chase...and chase them. I hope you go to third world countries if that's where your heart is. I hope you chase a dream in your family if that's what's stirring in you. I hope you talk about the dreams that are easy to talk about, and I hope you dare to say the ones you're terrified of, too.
My parents did a really good job of reminding me often that I could do anything I set my mind to, and I believed them. They would constantly remind me, my brother, and my sister that we were smart enough, equipped enough, strong enough to do whatever we wanted with our lives. No dreams were too big. Growing up, I knew that if I wanted to be President of the United States I could do it. It worked, too. My brother and sister and I all knew what we wanted to do with our lives and we did what we needed to do to get there. We're all doing what we love. I'm thankful for my parents for speaking that truth over me. When I have kids some day, I'll whisper the same things to them. I'll ask them what they want to be when they grow up, I'll keep asking them even when they're 30 years old.
Sometimes I catch myself only dreaming about the things I know I'll accomplish. For example, I want to go to grad school and be a Nurse Practitioner. I know how much schooling, what school I would like to attend, what I want to do with that degree. That doesn't scare me. It doesn't take much daydreaming. I know I can do it and what I need to do to make it happen. Easy. That's my kind of dreaming.
If you ask people that know me what my dreams are, most of them would say something involving being a nurse. Which is true, because I have plenty of dreams involving Nursing. I love it.
There's one dream I don't talk about much though-if ever-because it scares me. I don't know how to go about doing it, which doesn't fit with my black and white world. I google about it and sometimes I let myself daydream about what it would look like to actually live this dream. I daydream because I have no idea how to make this happen. This isn't the kind of dreaming that's easy for me! It might not sound like a big dream to some people, but to me it is. It's one of my biggest dreams.
I want to work with orphans.
(I can't believe I just said that.)
I love kids. I love rocking them to sleep and hugging them and telling them how beautiful or handsome they are. I love making them laugh and listening to their hilarious stories. I love their innocence and their honesty. And there is this constant ache in my heart for the unwanted, unloved, and uncared for kids that are out there. No one should go through childhood (or any part of life, for that matter...but childhood is such a sacred time) unwanted or unloved. I think about it all the time, but I never talk about it. So tonight, me telling you about it is part of me letting myself dream a little. And it's terrifying but it also feels really good!
I think it's an incredible thing for a woman to give up a child she cannot/will not care for. I want to work with those kids. I want to work with orphans because they are some of the most vulnerable kind of humans. Maybe it's the nurse in me that thinks in terms of prevention instead of fixing the same problem over and over, but I want to work with orphans because they are at risk for being trafficked and abused, for being lost in a system and becoming a statistic. I want to prevent what they are at risk for, stop cycles before they begin--I want to stop the cycle of human trafficking before it can even start. I want to stand on their behalf. I want to love on them and help them find families. I want to tell them they can do anything they want to do, they can be President of the United States, and I want them to believe it. I want to protect them and care for them. I want to love them before they ever get the chance to wonder if they're loved. If I could adopt every orphan and love the crap out of them, I would do it. In a heartbeat. I would do it without thinking twice.
I've always thought small. Some people I know want to change entire countries, industries, etc. And I think that's incredible. And I think they can do it. But I've always been thrilled at the idea of teaching hand washing to a kindergarten class, or starting a clinic in an impoverished neighborhood, or picking up trash on a city street. That would be so cool. Instead of thinking in third world countries, I think in city streets. There's nothing wrong with thinking in third world countries, but my mind just doesn't seem to work that way. I think small.
This orphan dream scares me, because let's be honest--there are a lot of orphans out there and I am one person. The idea of working with orphans is the equivalent to a third world country to me, if not bigger, so I naturally start shying away from it. Anything medical or involving nursing I'm not intimidated by because that's the area I'm familiar with. But orphans are out of my medical brain. I get a little overwhelmed when I start to think about what it would look like for me to work with orphans. There are so many details I don't know. I don't know when, if it will be a year from now or 30 years from now. I don't know if it will be in India or some small town USA. Maybe I'll open an orphanage. Maybe I'll work at one. Maybe I'll be an advocate for orphans and help them find families. Maybe I'll travel and speak about orphans and encourage people to adopt, specifically the Church to rise up and adopt more than anyone else. I have no idea what I will do with orphans, I just know there is an unease in me for a reason, and I have to work with orphans one day. I just have to. I can't not do something with orphans. I know I probably can't help every orphaned kid out there, but I can help one at a time. That's my small thinking, I guess, but that's all I need. I'll help one orphan at a time if I have to, and that will be good enough for me.
So that's my dream I never talk about, because it scares me. But I want to talk about it and learn about it and I figured this was a good place to start. So thank you for reading about something I want to do with my life. I hope it makes you think about what dreams you aren't daring to chase...and chase them. I hope you go to third world countries if that's where your heart is. I hope you chase a dream in your family if that's what's stirring in you. I hope you talk about the dreams that are easy to talk about, and I hope you dare to say the ones you're terrified of, too.
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