To the One Trying to Figure Out How to Let Yourself Be Loved
(That is the longest title in the history of blogs, isn't it? sorry.)
To the One Trying to Figure Out How to Let Yourself Be Loved (because I feel like there are so many people who don't know how):
One day, all the "you're a catch" and "you're worth being pursued" and "you're the whole package"--one day you will start to believe all of those. Really. You will.
Because, you are.
If you don't believe those things yet, write them down. Over and over. Write them on your mirror or doodle them on your notes for class or that outline of the business meeting you're sitting in (it will help you look busy & like you're paying attention). When your friends tell you "You're worthy of _____," say thank you and tuck it away, repeat it over and over. Tell a close friend that you need to hear those things, let them text it to you every single day.
Someday you'll believe it.
You should probably stop trying to love someone who doesn't treat you like you're a catch, you're worthy of being pursued, or that you're the whole package. I don't know, maybe this is a good place to start. You won't find your worth in someone who doesn't see it either. You won't be loved the right way by someone who doesn't love you. And if you're in that situation, you know exactly what I mean. Yes, you. I'm looking at you.
You should probably stop canceling dates. Saying yes or asking someone on a date and then coming up with dumb excuses is just bad character and it's annoying. Just stop. Either say yes or no, ask or don't. Don't panic and start backpedaling. Unless you get some sort of hint that they're a serial killer...I guess you could cancel then. But if not, give them a chance. I know that as badly as you want to be known, it's also your biggest fear. But you aren't an island no matter how hard you try. You are worthy of being known. Everybody has secrets and everybody is a little "dark and twisty" on the inside (as Meredith Grey so eloquently puts it). That part of you will be loved, too. There is someone out there won't flinch when you try to scare them off with your dark and twisty.
Also, on that note, you should stop trying to push people away. There's not even a big paragraph I could to add to this. You know what it looks like when you do it. Maybe it's being a douchebag or making jokes instead of answering a question, or ignoring someone altogether. When someone asks you a question that deserves an honest answer, be honest. When you want to push someone away, please try your best not to. Because here's the problem-people are people and if you push enough they will go away. Sometimes your inability to let yourself be loved can hurt others who are trying to love you. Please don't hurt others out of your fear. Trying to let yourself be loved is hard enough; hurting others while trying to figure it out only makes it worse.
I know you probably would do anything for anyone you love. I think I'm learning that the people who actively love others the most have the hardest time accepting love in return. Let someone do nice things for you. Say thank you. Be flattered. You will not figure out how to let yourself be loved if you constantly reject love. (you're welcome, I'll be here all week)
Speaking of being flattered, let yourself be flattered more. Stop telling yourself, "they probably say that to everyone." Stop downplaying everything and just be freaking flattered every now and then. Don't be full of yourself, but don't downplay how awesome you are either. There's a healthy balance, you can find it.
Set boundaries. I think part of letting yourself be loved means respecting yourself enough to create healthy boundaries. So figure out your nonnegotiables and go from there.
The most important thing I could tell you (which is why I threw it in last and not in the middle with the not canceling dates part, because I'm sure you rolled your eyes and skimmed that)--- Love yourself first and I think you'll start to figure out how to let other people love you. Realize that what you want for other people- for your friends and family-you deserve that, too. I think when I saw so many of my friends struggling to let themselves be loved, and I wanted so badly for them to stop struggling, I realized I was doing the same thing. Realize that what you want for other people- for your friends and family-you deserve that, too.
To the One Trying to Figure Out How to Let Yourself Be Loved (because I feel like there are so many people who don't know how):
One day, all the "you're a catch" and "you're worth being pursued" and "you're the whole package"--one day you will start to believe all of those. Really. You will.
Because, you are.
If you don't believe those things yet, write them down. Over and over. Write them on your mirror or doodle them on your notes for class or that outline of the business meeting you're sitting in (it will help you look busy & like you're paying attention). When your friends tell you "You're worthy of _____," say thank you and tuck it away, repeat it over and over. Tell a close friend that you need to hear those things, let them text it to you every single day.
Someday you'll believe it.
You should probably stop trying to love someone who doesn't treat you like you're a catch, you're worthy of being pursued, or that you're the whole package. I don't know, maybe this is a good place to start. You won't find your worth in someone who doesn't see it either. You won't be loved the right way by someone who doesn't love you. And if you're in that situation, you know exactly what I mean. Yes, you. I'm looking at you.
You should probably stop canceling dates. Saying yes or asking someone on a date and then coming up with dumb excuses is just bad character and it's annoying. Just stop. Either say yes or no, ask or don't. Don't panic and start backpedaling. Unless you get some sort of hint that they're a serial killer...I guess you could cancel then. But if not, give them a chance. I know that as badly as you want to be known, it's also your biggest fear. But you aren't an island no matter how hard you try. You are worthy of being known. Everybody has secrets and everybody is a little "dark and twisty" on the inside (as Meredith Grey so eloquently puts it). That part of you will be loved, too. There is someone out there won't flinch when you try to scare them off with your dark and twisty.
Also, on that note, you should stop trying to push people away. There's not even a big paragraph I could to add to this. You know what it looks like when you do it. Maybe it's being a douchebag or making jokes instead of answering a question, or ignoring someone altogether. When someone asks you a question that deserves an honest answer, be honest. When you want to push someone away, please try your best not to. Because here's the problem-people are people and if you push enough they will go away. Sometimes your inability to let yourself be loved can hurt others who are trying to love you. Please don't hurt others out of your fear. Trying to let yourself be loved is hard enough; hurting others while trying to figure it out only makes it worse.
I know you probably would do anything for anyone you love. I think I'm learning that the people who actively love others the most have the hardest time accepting love in return. Let someone do nice things for you. Say thank you. Be flattered. You will not figure out how to let yourself be loved if you constantly reject love. (you're welcome, I'll be here all week)
Speaking of being flattered, let yourself be flattered more. Stop telling yourself, "they probably say that to everyone." Stop downplaying everything and just be freaking flattered every now and then. Don't be full of yourself, but don't downplay how awesome you are either. There's a healthy balance, you can find it.
Set boundaries. I think part of letting yourself be loved means respecting yourself enough to create healthy boundaries. So figure out your nonnegotiables and go from there.
The most important thing I could tell you (which is why I threw it in last and not in the middle with the not canceling dates part, because I'm sure you rolled your eyes and skimmed that)--- Love yourself first and I think you'll start to figure out how to let other people love you. Realize that what you want for other people- for your friends and family-you deserve that, too. I think when I saw so many of my friends struggling to let themselves be loved, and I wanted so badly for them to stop struggling, I realized I was doing the same thing. Realize that what you want for other people- for your friends and family-you deserve that, too.
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